Why Trying to Change Someone Into Your Perfect Partner Just Won’t Work

November 14, 2021
By David Michaels

Would you walk down the aisle with yourself? Well, would you? Ok, so let’s say the answer to that question is a big fat “NO”. Would you at least take yourself out for a test drive and date you? I know what you’re probably thinking right about now…“Where in the hell are these questions coming from?”…right?

Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where your partner had a few qualities about them that just made you a weeeee bit uncomfortable, or at the least, a little uneasy?

Most people who find themselves in this kind of situation, their first thought or inclination is something to the effect of “If they would only change or just tweek that habit or thing they do….” and some even go to the extreme of wondering if there is any way that “I might be able to get them to change…even if it’s just a little”? Why?

You see, whether it’s the guy trying to change her or vice versa, it’s not going to work and you’re doing nothing but wasting needless energy in an effort to make him or her to become “ANOTHER YOU!” That’s right. You want them to become like you and why? Do you think that much about yourself that if they were to become like you that all the world would be better off for it? Uhhhhhh….I doubt it!!

Before you set out to try and change your partner’s personality or anything about them for that matter, ask yourself this question, “How would I feel if they were the one trying to change me”? Would you let them, or would you do all to resist their efforts? Think about that before you get any kind of wild hair about wanting to change anybody into the “you” that you think they need to become.

There is this old saying that I know you’ve had to have heard before that say’s something to the effect of “opposites attract.” Have you heard that one before? The point here is that you cannot reasonably expect to change your partner from the person they are to what you want them to be just to satisfy you. Everyone is molded and shaped into their own individual person as a result of their personal, moral and spiritual convictions that have been developed into their personality through their life experiences. And you think you can waltz right into someone’s life and change that? Ahhhhh…not!

Here’s my point in all of this….RELAX…don’t worry about changing anybody. Quit trying to change someone into something they’re not.!  You want to know what is going to make or break a relationship? CHEMISTRY! If you don’t have the right kind of chemistry and physical attraction needed to get the ball rolling, it’s not going to work anyway. It will be pronounced dead in the water before it ever has a chance to get started.

How many times have you laid eyes on a nice-looking guy or a bombshell blond or brunette that totally blew you away and your first thought was that “I’ve got to meet them.” So, what do you do? You start thinking of some way to approach them, introduce yourself, start up a conversation to where you can get your foot in the door and break the ice on a possible romance/ relationship. But, let’s say that you get over there and, build up enough courage to introduce yourself, and just before you do you realize that they just put their finger up their nose and extended that same hand to greet you with. Your first thought? It would probably be something to the effect of “How do I get out of this one”?  Would you agree that was a chemistry killer or what? It may have been there at one time but now, ehhhh, I doubt it.

Do you see where I’m going with this?  In this last example, it was the lack of chemistry that killed any hope of a potential relationship before it even got started. That’s the way it should always be too. Your chemistry will make or break a potential relationship, not whether you can or cannot change someone into who or what you may or may not want them to become.

Think about it like this…. to try and change someone into what you want them to become just to satisfy your ego and more or less become another you is to deny yourself the opportunity to love and care for that individual for who they are, the person they have become. You will more than likely run them off before anything ever has a chance to get started too.

If you care anything at all for your partner, the best thing you can do is love them for who they are. Love them, respect them, and care for them for the individual that they are, the person they have become as well as for what they mean to you. Besides, you don’t want to spend the next few weeks, months, year’s or maybe the rest of your life with another ‘you’ now do you? I would think about that!

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